I do not mean this in any negative way. But generally, I don’t look to my husband (or any man) for significant spiritual direction. This is not to say that we don’t share a spiritual journey. We absolutely do. It’s just that largely because I am a woman, I usually look to women to show me how to do this thing. It’s kind of the same reason why my ‘woman doctor’ is a woman. I just figure she probably knows (at an intuitive level) what’s going with that department and I like intuitive thinking. I like to know that the person I’m taking direction from is working with a little something extra in the inspiration department.
So we’ve been struggling a little with our kids. If you have kids and you haven’t gotten to ages 7 & 10 yet, may I advise you to hibernate between ages 4 and 6 so you have the strength. It’s freaking exhausting. And I don’t mean exhausting as in: I’ve run carpool, dropped off the playdate, washed folded and sorted 17 loads of laundry. I mean: an argument every 13 seconds, complex negotiations just to determine what shoes will be worn to school and a melt down at the slightest hint of parental authority being exercised. I guess this is where it just gets a little harder. If you care about being a parent. And we do.
Anywhoo…I haven’t been quite myself with the whole evolution of WWIII in the house. My normal upbeat and positive ways (hee hee) have given way to a bit of a sullen and sulky complexion. It’s almost like I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. Mainly because I don’t want to try to recreate some elaborate hairstyle from American Idol and then be lambasted because I haven’t done it right.
So JM recently printed off this quote and left it on my desk. It’s from the Tao of Parenting I think (let me know if you want the exact source or title and I’ll email it to you.) It goes like this:
Dealing with difficult children is like watching a garden grow. Resist the temptation to pull up the plants to check on the roots.
In difficult times, children may thrive on conflict. If you take the bait, the battle rages. Instead, step back, breathe deeply, relax and stay at your center. Battles require two parties. One fighting alone soon tires.
I love this for so many reasons. It’s basically reminding me of that AA slogan, we cease fighting everyone and everything. But like many AA slogans, I sometimes need the expanded version to put it into practice. The idea that what I’m faced with in this difficult relationship (and really, we could insert anything where it says children) is resisting the temptation to pull up the plant to check the roots…to ruin all my hard work just to reassure myself that the roots are there.
So it’s kind of back to the ebb and flow of things…right? I have to relax, breathe, and most important stay at (or find) my center. From the center, I know all is well. I am loved. What I’m doing is enough. God’s got it.