Uhhh…okay. This may be wrong, because even my mouth is watering here. But that has nothing to do with me wanting to use, because thankfully, using (and drinking) have not seemed like solutions to any of my problems in a really long time. It has everything to do with what I was telling a (fairly) newcomer at my meeting last night–I sometimes have thoughts about drinking (or using) and when I have those thoughts, it may just be because I am an alcoholic! It’s the most normal thing in the world (especially when I’m newish) to think about a drink.
This is why it comes in handy to run your thoughts by someone who may have a little more time than you, or who may just be a little saner than you happen to be in any given moment. I call this Networking tip # 5: Solve challenges by connecting people with people. I desperately need my sober network, because if I suddenly go from thinking about morphine to deciding to use some, I’m a dead woman walking. There’s nothing that stops me when my disease is in action. I will go to any length to change the way I feel. That’s one of the ways I know I’m alcoholic. I used drugs and alcohol primarily because I liked the effect.
It’s also one of the reasons I stay sober…becuase I like the effect. One of my favorite program passages is from the Twelve & Twelve (p. 124) and it’s what the book calls the ‘Permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living.”
- Service, gladly rendered (that means I won’t resent helping you anymore!)
- Obligations squarely met (no more hiding from my responsibilities.)
- The knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort ( I ♥ that)
- The well-understood fact that in God’s sight all human beings are important.
- The proof that love freely given surely brings a full return.
- The certainty that we are no longer alone in self-constructed prisons (remember how painful those were?)
- And the surety that we can fit and belong in God’s scheme of things.
That is soooooooooooooo nice! What a relief it was to know that I would fit and belong somewhere. The longer I have stayed sober, the more that has been the truth for me.